Firstborn and Sir Dex were born on their due dates

If Angel had been, yesterday would have been her one year birthday.

I dreaded it's approach. I assumed it would be another day of crying and sludging through gelatin, getting nearly nothing done. It wasn't like that.

I didn't forget, not exactly. It was the first thing that occurred to me when I woke up. I remembered every time I looked at the calendar, though I hadn't marked it there. I thought about her when I saw a youtube video of a little girl possibly about the same age she would have been. I mourned every time I saw her little struggling brave apple tree in the yard. And sometimes I choked up for no reason at all.

Each of these times was like a sharp stab in the gut. Because in between...I kinda forgot. I was enjoying my newly recovered health. Celebrating the loss of 41 pounds since Sir Dex's birth. Enjoying my living children. Laughing at my ridiculous ducks. I also got a whole lot of school planning done, which is good, because we are due to start August 1st. (Yes, a Saturday. We're weird. Get used to it.)

I feel a little guilty for not mourning more, but then again I don't. I think of her and pray for her every single day. A full week doesn't ever go by without me missing her so terribly I tear up. I was absolutely useless on her birthday this year, so I guess being okay yesterday is....okay.

Yesterday was also the 1 year announcement of my pregnancy with Sir Dex here, who is doing his level best to shove both of his hands in his mouth at the same time while grinning for all he is worth.

I have a lot of conflicting emotions about all this. I'm feeling the tug to become introspective and melancholy all day.

I'm not going to, though. I've been through those emotions before and sifting them out again isn't going to do me any good right now. It's early morning and I have life to do, so I'm going to box them up (their box, in my head, is a dark opalescent rectangle with a pink ribbon, no bow) and push the box into the back of my head. I might need them later, and I guess that's okay, too.

My head hurts.

I haven't posted in a bit, but that's not for lack of writing posts in my head. Boy, if I could get speech to text and use that to write my blogs I'd post a lot! Everyone would hate it.

Of course now that I'm sitting down typing, nothing is coming to mind. So here are a mess-load of unorganized pictures from the last couple of weeks.

Sir Dex is fascinated by either the camera or the cameraman at his baptism

Right-Hand Girl wanted me to mention she's actually left-handed. Isn't she pretty?

First communion. Open wide!

Intensity making sure the brothers are good during Sir Dex's baptism.

One of Sir Dex's many admirers broke into a dance of joy during his baptism.

The family and the priest

Daddy looks more excited than Sir Dex here.

Little Big Boy got tired

Sir Dex and his godmother spitting on Satan.

Sir Dex really likes our priest.

Little Big Boy turned 6 last month!

Warrior and his Silly Goose. Her neck is fine, she's just staring at Octavia.

I always wanted twins. Little Big Boy and Octavia are twins just 3 years apart.

Wave hi!

Happy face loves Sir Dex, but Sir is distracted at the moment.

I told the girls I wasn't going to buy party hats. So they made them.

Our parties are very casual and whole families are invited, not just kids. This one had sloppy joes, cake, ice cream, and a sprinkler. I think everyone had a good time.

Little Big Boy: "What do you want from me?"

Intensity doesn't usually like to sleep in front of people. This picture is just one of the reasons why. I just couldn't resist. She's so awesome.

One of our neighbors has a peacock who likes to come visit. He does NOT like being photographed though.

!!!!!!Lots of Free Extra Money!!!!!!

Yeah, no.

So I got into my bank account this morning to check the balance, make sure my husband's paycheck went through, and reconcile my budget. I got a bit of a shock.

My husband's paycheck is there, yay, looking just like it is supposed to look.

Also, there is another deposit, an unexpected one, a little bit larger...as in more than 3x larger than my husband's paycheck.

After the initial brain-short caused by the sight of so much surprise money supposedly belonging to me, I'm able to see that it was deposited by the same company that handle's my husband's job's payroll, but isn't from his company. No one we know works for this company with it's mysterious random deposit of some much needed money.

Conclusion? Someone made an error, someone else is panicking over their missing paycheck right before a holiday weekend, and we get to deal with trying to get it fixed before it somehow bites us.

Oh joy.

It's funny how much a one or two second completely unanticipated hope being crushed can hurt. But it could be so so much worse. I really hope whomever this money belongs to can make it okay till this is fixed, and wasn't counting on the deposit to go through today to cover bills or a holiday vacation. Someone extra to pray for today.